The Game to Aim Jane Lane for Fame
by Ace Trax
Summary: This is a crossover in which “Daria” meets “Time Squad”. The story is rated PG13. Because Monica Lewinsky is a topic.
1. Intro

INTRODUCTION:   
This is a crossover in which "Daria" meets "Time Squad". 

AUTHOR'S NOTES:   
The story is rated PG-13. Because Monica Lewinsky is a topic.   
If you want to know more about "Time Squad" then go to: 

My story needs beta reading, so why don't you beta-read it and tell me your opinion under ace_trax@yahoo.de? 

END NOTES:   
If you have any comments than mail me under ace_trax@yahoo.de. 

DISCLAIMER:   
The copyright owner of the TV-Series "Daria" is MTV.   
The copyright owner of the TV-Series "Time Squad" is Cartoon Network.   
I have no connection with the copyright owners and I don't have the legal rights to use their material.   
This fanfiction story was done without authorization, permission or approval by their respective copyright owners. 

AUTHOR'S COPYRIGHT:   
Please note that this fanfiction is a derivative work, so it is protected by copyright law as long as the words and syntax are novel. That means: Me, as the author of this work do not own the pre-existing copyrighted stuff, but I do own the whole rest. That are all the novel words and syntax, which make the story.   
This story is not for profit, it is a work of pure fandom, without any financial interests.   
Any financial or other uses of this document without the specific permission of the authors (me and the other copyright owners) are forbidden.   
Text Copyright © 2003, Ace Trax. All rights reserved. 

THANKS AND ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS:   
Thanks to Dave Wesson, the creator of Time Squad, which is much more funnier than the "Back to the Future" cartoons, the "Histeria" cartoons and the "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures" cartoons.   
And of course thanks to the creative minds of MTV, who gave the world the best TV-series of all time: "The Osbournes". 


	2. The Game to Aim Jane Lane for Fame

Forget "Esteemers", the very first episode of Daria.   
Here is how Daria and Jane really have met:   


**The Game to Aim Jane Lane for Fame.**

  
  
  


**EXT. LAWNDALE HIGH – DAY**   
_Daria is reading a big blue book with the title: "666 Sarcastic Remarks for all Occasions."_   
_Suddenly a light ball explodes in front of her._

DARIA:   
Eep! _(looking up from her book) _I mean: _(deadpan) _Eep. 

_There where the light ball was, are now three figures: A little boy 7 to 8 years old. A huge brute guy dresses like "Space Ghost" and a robot._

OTTO:   
Yes. It's 1998. Bill Clinton is President. The US-economy is booming and the cold war has ended years ago, allowing an age of peace and prosperity. 

LARRY 3000:   
Ah, yes 1998. The "All Saints" have 3 Number Ones in the US. Furby and Beannie Babies are invented and Dana Internationale wins the Eurovision Song Contest. Indeed this is a wonderful year. 

_Daria walks up to them._

DARIA:   
Sorry for interrupting you. But the record of 1998 till now also gives us some school shootings, the Oklahoma-bombing, US-embassies explosions in Africa and the Indian subcontinent testing nuclear weapons. 

OTTO:   
Ah yes, that is correct. 

LARRY 3000: _(miserable)_   
Well there goes my short phase of enthusiasm. 

DARIA:   
You must be time-travellers because any other conclusion would mean that I was taking illegal substances. 

OTTO:   
Uh, yes we are time-travellers, may we introduce ourselves: I'm Otto. This is Tuddrussel and this is Larry 3000. 

DARIA:   
Hi, I'm Daria… _(looking up from her book) _… Daria Smith. Welcome to the Nineties. 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Oh no, it is these cynic nineties again. I hate this age. I don't like this Grunge guys, they are so spooky. Remember Kurt Cobain.   
_(imitating Kurt Cobain)_ "Look at me, I am an alternative musician, smells-like-teen-spirit is far to commercial, I am writing a song about traffic security"… ah, what for a looser. 

DARIA: _(looking up from her book)_   
So much about the innocence of Courtney Love. 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Hey, wait a moment! I know something positive about the Nineteen-Nineties! Bill Clinton! That is the guy with… 

LARRY 3000:   
Tuddrussel! 

TUDDRUSSEL: _(smirking in trance)_   
Oh yeah, you know: Lewinsky, he, he, he. _(he chuckles like Beavis and Butthead)_

DARIA:   
I am just experiencing a nasty déjà-vu. 

OTTO: Ah yes the Lewinsky-scandal, also referred as Lewinskygate. Which nearly lead to a impeachment on charges of… 

LARRY 3000:   
Aaaargh Otto, that is nothing for little boys. _(he hold his hands over Otto's mouth and ears)_   
Or big boys _(glares at Tuddrussel)_

TUDDRUSSEL:_ (smirking in trance)_   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

LARRY 3000:   
Otto, I will never tolerate such behaviour. You are still to young for this. 

TUDDRUSSEL: _(smirking in trance)_   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

DARIA:   
Who is Monica Lewinsky? 

LARRY 3000:   
You soon will find out… to yours and the world's dismay. 

OTTO:   
Yes… as I said we are time-travellers on a mission. And we are looking for Jane Lane the future Artiste Extraordinaire of the 21st century. 

LARRY 3000:   
This is the Lawndale High School. The place where she got inspired for her future works. Do you know where we can find her? 

DARIA:   
Huh well. _(looking up from her book) _Although helping time travellers is not on my daily goal list, it is okay. The person you seek who listens to the name Jane Lane is over there. 

_Daria points at a tree._

TUDDRUSSEL: _(smirking in trance)_   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

LARRY 3000:   
That is not an artist. That is a tree. 

DARIA: _(looking up from her book)_   
Well, that is also not a pipe. 

OTTO:   
Excuse me? 

DARIA:   
Oops, forget it. Insider-joke…   
You must understand that Jane Lane is the loneliest girl of Lawndale. 

_Daria walks slowly to the tree; the trio follows her._

OTTO:   
Why is she the loneliest girl of Lawndale? 

DARIA:   
Since I came to this school. The only ones, she was talking to, were trees. 

_They stop at the tree and listen to Jane's voice._

VOICE OF JANE:   
… you know what mosquitoes kill more people than man-eating lions… 

TUDDRUSSEL: _(smirking in trance)_   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

VOICE OF JANE:   
Hey! It's Lane. 

OTTO:   
Hello Jane Lane, I am sorry to disturb you, shouldn't you be doing some artwork? 

VOICE OF JANE:   
Why? 

OTTO:   
You are supposed to be an artist! 

VOICE OF JANE:   
What! An artist? And leaving my trees? 

LARRY 3000:   
But Jane Lane, as an artist you can go to New York on parties and talk about art with other bright people… what is so great about talking to trees? 

VOICE OF JANE:   
I used to talk to pot plants, but strangely they all died.   
So instead I am talking to trees, since they seem to last longer. 

In that moment Tuddrussel wakes up from his Lewinsky-trance. 

TUDDRUSSEL: _(addressing to Jane)_   
Well, you are a Hippy-Tree-Hugger! 

VOICE OF JANE:   
Anabolic-Addict! 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
ANABOLIC!!! Why you, these are 100% finest trained muscle mass. 

VOICE OF JANE:   
Sure, thanks to the 100% finest US-Veal. 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
That's it! If you weren't a girl… 

VOICE OF JANE:   
Be glad I AM a girl. 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Aarrghhhhh! 

LARRY 3000: _(smirking to Otto and Daria)_   
You see why she is a perfect role model for further generations of artists. 

OTTO:   
Uh Tuddrussel. I think we should be more diplomatic. 

TUDDRUSSEL: _(calms down)_   
Okay. You are right. I am giving her 10 seconds to get down of the tree, before I set it on fire. 

LARRY 3000:   
This is so odd. Jane Lane always enjoyed being part of the New Yorker artist society… 

OTTO:   
I got it: She needs a friend. 

LARRY 3000:   
Of course! A good friend can help her to developed social skills! 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
A friend? Where can we find a friend for this freak! 

OTTO:   
How about Daria? 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Good idea! _(to Daria)_ Do you know anybody who can be Jane's friend? 

DARIA:   
That is rather tricky. You know that the common High School is infested with a social caste system. We have got for example: The Populars, the Sportjocks, the Goths, the Nerds… 

OTTO:   
And what are you? 

DARIA:   
Depressive intellectual Antisyndicalist neo-Marxist nihilist … But only to shock my parents and teachers. 

OTTO:   
And what is Jane? 

DARIA:   
Well Jane is totally exceptional. She doesn't need friends. 

VOICE OF JANE:   
Friends? I don't need friends I am a lonely warrior against life itself. 

LARRY 3000:   
Then how about a handsome boyfriend? 

_Jane jumps from the tree to the ground._

JANE:   
It's a deal. 

The school bell rings. 

JANE:   
But he must be handsome. 

_Daria, Otto, Larry and Tuddrussel stare at her._

JANE:   
Come on, I am a young girl with romantic needs. 

_She walks into school. Daria follows her into class._

LARRY 3000: _(sights)_   
Okay lets match make her. 

_Otto, Larry and Tuddrussel walk off in another direction. Suddenly Tuddrussel sees a phone booth._

TUDDRUSSEL: _(smirking in trance)_   
Lewinsky, he, he, he.   
  


**INT. WHITE HOUSE – DESK OF MS. LEWINSKY**   
_Ms. Lewinsky is working on her PC. The phone rings and she answers it._

MS. LEWINSKY:   
White House. Ms. Lewinsky speaking. 

VOICE OF TUDDRUSSEL:   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

MS. LEWINSKY: _(cautious)_   
Hello? Who is speaking? 

VOICE OF TUDDRUSSEL:   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

MS. LEWINSKY:   
Eep! 

_Ms. Lewinsky slams the phone down in angst._   
  


**INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – CORRIDOR**   
_About an hour has gone. The recess bell rings. The class is finish and the students go into recess. Among them are Daria and Jane._   
_Otto is expecting them._

OTTO:   
Hi Jane Lane. I found a boyfriend for you at the school library. He is a science and history whizz, he is intelligent, charming, cultivated and he can speak French. 

_He presents them Upchuck, the despaired virgin._

UPCHUCK:   
Grrrr. Bonjour ma petite. 

JANE:   
Although I understand your noble intentions, I have to be honest: You must understand, that I can't date him without vomiting each minute over his shoes. 

OTTO:   
I must be honest too: I didn't have any noble intentions at all. He bribed me with 20 dollars. 

UPCHUCK:   
Oh come, my little precious. Let me take you to the Chateau de Chuck, where I show you my little abattoir. You can even bring your little friend with too. _(points at Daria)_

DARIA, JANE AND OTTO:   
Ewwwww. 

_Tuddrussel comes up and smashes Upchuck away._

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Ah forget that dork! So Ms. Lane. I have got the perfect boyfriend for you. He is an athlete and his girlfriend just broke up with him. 

_He presents them Kevin Thompson, the stupid Quarterback._

KEVIN: Hello Babe. 

JANE: _(undecided)_   
... Hello, Kevin. 

DARIA: _(looking up from her book)_   
Shouldn't you need a lobotomy first? 

JANE:   
Hey, as long he is cute. 

_She walks up to Kevin but suddenly Brittany Taylor blocks her way._

BRITTANY:   
Kevin what are you doing? 

KEVIN:   
I am helping to correct the time-stream. 

BRITTANY:   
We wanted to *study* in the janitor's room… I mean at the library! 

KEVIN:   
But babe! We broke up. 

BRITTANY:   
Kevvvy! That was 10 minutes ago! Now come with me. 

_Brittany drags Kevin away._

DARIA: _(looking up from her book)_   
"It is better to have loved and lost, then never to have loved at all." 

JANE:   
What's love got to do with it? He is a Quarterback. 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Oh that reminds me! I have to make a phone call… for a pizza. 

_He smirks evil and walks off._   
  


**INT. WHITE HOUSE – DESK OF MS. LEWINSKY**   
_Ms. Lewinsky is at the phone._

MS. LEWINSKY:   
… Yes, yes. The dustbins in the hall still needs to be emptied… okay you do that after you bought new coffee filters… Sure, oh since you will go to the mall; could you get some duct tape too? Yes the President is on his last row… well that would be nice…Okay I see you soon Mr. Vice-President Gore. 

_Ms. Lewinsky put the telephone back on the fork. Soon the phone rings again, she answers it._

MS. LEWINSKY:   
White House. Ms. Lewinsky speaking… 

VOICE OF TUDDRUSSEL:   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

MS. LEWINSKY:   
Eep. No, not you again… 

VOICE OF TUDDRUSSEL:   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

MS. LEWINSKY:   
Ahhhhh! 

_Ms. Lewinsky slams the phone down more frightful than before._   
  


**INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – CORRIDOR**   
_Again about an hour has gone. The recess bell rings. The class is finish and the students go into recess. Among them is Jane._   
_Larry 3000 and the Fashion Club, Sandi, Tiffany, Stacy are expecting her._

LARRY 3000: _(talking very bitchy to Sandi Griffin)_   
Oh, that Mr. O'Neill, what for a …, if I should ever have to cross words with him again, I can guarantee you that I will cut off his tongue, put in aspic and hide it behind a refrigerator. 

SANDI: _(compassioned)_   
Oh, yes I know exactly how you feel. 

_Tuddrussel joins them. He is smirking devilish._

TUDDRUSSEL: _(smirking in trance)_   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

LARRY 3000:   
What? 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
_(Innocent) _Nothing. _(smirking in trance)_ Lewinsky he, he, he. 

LARRY 3000:   
Jane. May I introduce to you Sandi Griffin, the president of the Fashion Club. 

JANE:   
I had already the *pleasure* to meet her. 

SANDI:   
The goal of our Fashion Club is to help the stylish unfortunate. What you need is a make over. 

JANE:   
I don't need a make over. 

SANDI:   
Well you must know that in a relationship "looks" count… 

JANE:   
I think what counts in a relationship is "personality". 

SANDI:   
Oh *please*, "personality". Look for example at my friend Tiffany. 

TIFFANY:   
Yeah… _(realizes what Sandi said)_… Haaaaaang on… 

SANDI:   
I want to prove to you my theory that looks counts, when you want to have a successful social life… 

STACY: _(bursting out)_   
Exactly! Sandi is right. As in the song "Dressed for Success" by Roxette! One of my favourite. 

_Stacy starts to sing:_

I'm gonna get dressed, for success.   
Shaping me up for the big time, baby.   
Get dressed for success.   
Shaping it up for your love no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah...

_Stacy stops singing after she notices that everyone looks at her as she has completely lost her marbles._

STACY: _(timid)_   
Yeah… I love that song. 

SANDI:   
Well…my… I mean our Fashion Club Vice President: Quinn has agreed to take part in an experiment, to prove you that I … our Club is right.   
_(She addresses to a door)_   
Quinn, would you come in my dearest. 

_The door opens and Quinn steps out. She is dressed in a slobby and nerdy Jane-Lane style._

SANDI:   
In this visual demonstration: Joey, Jeffy and J… efferson will have to choose between *that* outfit and mine. 

_Tiffany leads in the 3 Jay's from an other entrance._

QUINN:   
Hi boys. 

SANDI:   
Hi boys. 

_Both give them pretty eyes. But unlike in the calculations of Sandi the 3 Jay's have a bigger sense for cuteness than for style._

JOEY:   
Hi Quinn. Cool outfit would you care for cinema this evening? 

JEFFY:   
Hello Quinn. I have got tickets for a concert; those boots you wear are awesome. 

JAMIE:   
Quinn you look great. I have reserved two tables at Chez Pierre. 

QUINN:   
Well boys. Please one after the other. I think we should talk at a place, which is more confidential. 

_She walks off with all three J's leaving an angry Sandi behind._

TIFFANY:   
She is sooooo popular. _(Sandi glares at her)_   
I mean… you are *soooooo* popular. _(Sandi glares at her even more)_   
Uhhhhhh. What for an interesting floor. _(She looks at the floor)_

JANE:   
Well my dear Sandi: QED. 

_A furious Sandi walks off. Tiffany and Stacy follow her._   
_As soon they are gone, Daria and Otto join the remnants._

DARIA: _(looking up from her book)_   
QED, Quod erat demonstrandum. 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Ah stop with your girlie talk. Hey Otto! Where were you with her? 

OTTO:   
Daria helped me buy IT-stocks with the 20$ I got from Upchuck. 

LARRY 3000:   
What would you want with 20$ worth in IT-stocks? 

OTTO: _(smirks)_   
Wait until 100 million AD. 

DARIA: _(looking up from her book)_   
He is only living up the neo-capitalistic spirit of our time… 

OTTO: _(to Jane)_   
And, do they were successful to find you a suitable boyfriend. 

JANE:   
No, but they were successful giving me an urge to dig out my old Roxette-tapes of my sisters. 

LARRY 3000:   
Wait a minute! Where do you bought the IT-stocks? 

OTTO:   
On the internet. 

LARRY 3000:   
Well, that is it! I will use the internet to find a befitting companion. 

JANE:   
Great, why meld with the geeks in Lawndale, when you can meld with the geeks of the world. 

LARRY 3000:   
So, you approve. I will log myself in. 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

LARRY 3000:   
Tuddrussel! The fact that you mention this fact already 42-times today doesn't make it funnier. 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Uups that reminds me, I should make a phone again, the pizza haven't arrived yet.   
  


**INT. WHITE HOUSE – DESK OF MS. LEWINSKY**   
Ms. Lewinsky is again at the phone. 

GROANING VOICE AT THE PHONE:   
Hah uahhhh ohhhh ahhhhhh. 

MS. LEWINSKY:   
Well, no. President Clinton isn't in the office yet.... 

GROANING VOICE AT THE PHONE:   
Uh ohhh ahhhhh. 

MS. LEWINSKY:   
Shall I leave him a message so he can call you back…? 

GROANING VOICE AT THE PHONE:   
Njeahhhhh. 

MS. LEWINSKY:   
No you will call him back, that is okay. Thank you, and have a nice day Mr. President Jelzin. 

_Ms. Lewinsky puts down the phone, it rings and she picks it up again._

MS. LEWINSKY:   
White House. Ms. Lewinsky speaking… 

VOICE OF TUDDRUSSEL:   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

MS. LEWINSKY:   
Eeek, no please not again. 

VOICE OF TUDDRUSSEL:   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

MS. LEWINSKY:   
No! Well I never. Stop this. 

VOICE OF TUDDRUSSEL:   
Lewinsky, he, he, he.   
  


**INT. AUDITORIUM OF THE LAWNDALE HIGH**   
_Larry, Otto, Jane and Daria stand in front of a closed curtain. Tuddrussel joins them._

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Larry! Why do you call us here? 

LARRY 3000:   
I just wanted a suitable site to reveal Jane's perfect boyfriend. 

DARIA: _(to Jane, who is smiling)_   
You are enjoying this match making. 

JANE:   
Yo. This reminds me of the movie "Back to the Future". In which the hero had to bring his parents together. 

_Larry 3000 steps on stage in front of the curtain._

LARRY 3000:   
Well I found the perfect match for you. I gave your preferences into the internet and picked out the most suitable candidate among millions of young men of North America. 

JANE:   
Really? 

LARRY 3000:   
Yes he is an artist too, laidback, extreme cool and very good-looking. 

JANE:   
All right. Bring him in. 

DARIA: _(looking up from her book)_   
Open the gates of hell. 

JANE:   
Come on Daria. I think I'm feeling lucky. 

_The curtain opens. It reveals Trent._   
_…_   
_Yo! TRENT LANE! Jane's big brother._

TRENT: _(notice Jane)_   
Hey Janie.   
So where is that ultra-cool artist girl who needs a shoulder to lay her head on. 

_Jane is embarrassed._

TRENT:   
Huh… _(Trent realizes)_ Oh bummer. Hey Larry! She is my kid-sister! 

_All glare at Larry._

LARRY 3000: _(ashamed)_   
Don't blame me! Blame Bill Gates. He pushed the Internet Explorer! 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
A man dating his own sister. That is just not right. 

OTTO: _(holding his hands in front of his eyes)_   
I gotta wash my eyes. 

JANE: _(uncomfortable)_   
Look I am not THAT despaired! 

TRENT:   
Uhm, never mind Janie sooner or later you will find the right one. 

_Trent walks toward the exit. He passes Daria. He stops and quotes to her._

TRENT:   
Hey, nice boots… you look good in them. 

_Trent smiles at Daria and goes on to the exit. Daria looks after him and starts to blush._

DARIA:   
Rghzzff. 

_The school bell rings._

JANE:   
Well I have got history class now. 

OTTO:   
History class! May I come? Please. 

JANE:   
Sure. Besides, today is show and tell, and I have forgotten to do my homework. 

_Both walk out the auditorium, followed by Daria, who is blushing in trance._

DARIA:   
Rghzzff. 

_Larry and Tuddrussel who were left behind start to talk._

LARRY 3000:   
Hang on, maybe we were wrong all the time. I think, what Jane Lane needs is not a boyfriend but a … 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
A girlfriend???!!! Larry, that is disgusting! 

LARRY 3000:   
I mean FRIEND. And haven't you got any phone calls to do? 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Oh yeah. He, he, he. 

_He smirks evil and walks off. Larry rolls his eyes and starts logging himself in the internet again._   
  


**INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – HISTORY CLASS WITH MR. DEMARTINO**   
_Otto stands in front of class, refereeing about the War of 1812._

OTTO:   
…then there was our chief executive during the War of 1812. What a temper! No coincidence he was named James "MAD" -ison! 

_Nobody laughs, except Daria who gives a hint of a smile and Mr. DeMartino who never was so happy, like as if he had found the son he never had._

_But then they get interrupted when a laser blast splits the door._

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Time Squad! Freeze! I am officer Buck Tuddrussel! 

_The whole class hold up their hands._

OTTO:   
What are you doing? 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Larry found a girl for Jane. No!!! I mean… 

JANE:   
You mean a friend, a buddy, a comrade, an amiga. And nothing to do with a certain relationship between two people, which isn't tolerated by an unforgiving society. 

LARRY 3000:   
Oh yes, we found this place, which is called "Ashfield Artist's Colony" and there is that lovely young women… 

JANE:   
I don't know, I want to get back to my trees. 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Oh, come one! Give us one more chance. 

DARIA: _(looking up from her book)_   
They are right, since their record till now was unchallenged by any kind of success. 

_An annoyed Tuddrussel tears away the book "666 Sarcastic Remarks for all Occasions." from Daria._

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Okay you cynic, now try to talk back, WITHOUT YOUR SMART BOOK! 

_This conversation abruptly ends, when a loud voice, spoken through a megaphone, shatters the whole school._

VOICE FROM OUTSITE:   
ATTENTION! THIS IS THE COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE SPEAKING.   
THIS IS A SIEGE, THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS SURROUNDED!   
  


**EXT. LAWNDALE HIGH**   
_A massive build up of security forces around the Lawndale High have started a siege. Several Special Forces (FBI, CIA, Green Berets etc.) in black uniforms get out black vans and black helicopters with sniper guns and take positions around the school._   
  


**INT. PRINCIPAL LI'S OFFICE**   
_Ms. Li peers out the window._

MS. LI:   
I knew it all the time. A shoot-out! A bomb! Killer-bees! Never mind. I am prepared! 

_She opens a closet and puts on her riot gear: A bullet-proof vest, a plastic shield, a baton and a helmet. Then she runs out the school._   
  


**EXT. LAWNDALE HIGH**   
_Ms. Li appears at the entrance._

MS. LI:   
Hold it. Don't shoot! I am Ms. Li the principal of the Laaawwwnnndale … 

_They start shooting at her. She retreats back into the building._

COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE:   
Stop it! Stop IT! _(they stop shooting) _Who started firing? 

SECRET SERVICE SNIPER:   
It was me sir. 

COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE:   
Why agent? Were you out of your mind! 

SECRET SERVICE SNIPER:   
Well sir, it was because the word she said. 

COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE:   
What word? 

SECRET SERVICE SNIPER:   
Laaaaawwwwndale… it sounded to me like… Mondale. 

_The other agents gasp and start shooting again._

COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE:   
Stop it! Stop IT! _(they stop shooting) _Who is Mondale? 

SECRET SERVICE SNIPER:   
Mondale, Walter Mondale. 

COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE:   
Who? 

SECRET SERVICE SNIPER:   
He was the Vice-President of Jimmy Carter, sir! 

COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE:   
So? 

SECRET SERVICE SNIPER:   
And he was Presidential Candidate in 1984. 

COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE:   
So? 

SECRET SERVICE SNIPER:   
And it is rumoured that he has got connections with the Illuminati, sir. 

_The commander gasp, pull out his service revolver and start shooting at the build._

SECRET SERVICE SNIPER:   
Sir! Sir! _(he stops shooting)_

COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE:   
Sorry but you said the *word*. 

SECRET SERVICE SNIPER:   
What word? Lawndale? 

COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE:   
No. 

SECRET SERVICE SNIPER:   
Mondale? 

COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE:   
No. 

SECRET SERVICE SNIPER:   
Illuminati? 

COMMANDER OF THE SECRET SERVICE:   
Yes! Fire at once! 

_Now all are shooting like mad at the High School_   
_Suddenly a limousine pulls up. They stop firing. The door opens and President of the United States of the year 1998 steps out: Bill Clinton._   
  


**INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – CLASS OF MR. DEMARTINO**   
_Some students and the Time Squad are peering out the window after they have stopped shooting._

OTTO:   
We got a situation here! What are they doing now? 

DARIA:   
According to the FBI handbook on sieges, which was successfully applied in Waco, I think it is now the time where the good old swat tank comes in handy. 

ANDREA:   
Cool. 

LARRY 3000: _(wining)_   
Waco?!! Noooooo, not again. The agony! 

TUDDRUSSEL: _(innocent)_   
Why would the secret service turn here up? 

JANE:   
Yo, I think they are about to storm the school. I can't believe it: Finally a place I know is attacked by government, and my video camera is nowhere to be found. 

BRITTANY:   
Are we going to die now? 

MR. DEMARTINO:   
I think you should TAKE the opportunity to enjoy the last minutes with your LOVED-ones. 

KEVIN:   
Okay then Mr. D. 

_Kevin grabs Brittany by her hand and they both run off._

MR. DEMARTINO: _(shouts after them)_   
I MEANT that in a more platonic WAY! 

JODIE: _(disgusted)_   
Now look at those two, worst then rabbits… 

MACK:   
Yeah. 

_Both look at each other, then Mack grabs Jodie by her hand and they both run off._

_Before Upchuck can throw in a remark, he gets hit by several objects tossed by the female students of the class._

_All of the sudden they hear the voice of President Bill Clinton spoken trough a megaphone._   
  


**EXT. LAWNDALE HIGH**   
_President Clinton is shown. He speaks with a megaphone to the school. Beside him stands Monica Lewinsky, in the manner of a suffering Scarlet O'Hara._

PRESIDENT CLINTON:   
Hello Lawndale High, I am President Clinton. I must say that the Lawndale Lions scored pretty well in the last season. Well done Lawndale Lions! Go, Lawndale Lions go!   
But now I have to turn your attention to a more serious matter:   
I do apologize for this siege. But during the recent hours there were phone calls made from this school. Objectionable phone calls targeted to a valuable member of my staff: The intern Miss Monica Lewinsky.   
Now, I won't tolerate *any* *telephonic* *harassment* *of that woman*, Ms. Lewinsky. 

VOICE OF TUDDRUSSEL: _(smirking in trance)_   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

MS. LEWINSKY: _(points at the window behind Tuddrussel is hiding.)_   
Mr. President THAT is the ghastly voice I can never forget.   
  


**INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – CLASS OF MR. DEMARTINO**

OTTO, LARRY 3000, DARIA AND JANE: _(in a threatening tone)_   
T U D D R U S S E L ! ! ! ! 

TUDDRUSSEL: _(playing innocent)_   
What? I wanted to order a pizza, and suddenly I had the White House on the line.   
  


**EXT. LAWNDALE HIGH**   
_Clinton takes of this jacked and curls up his sleeves._

PRESIDENT CLINTON:   
Step aside Monica. I teach that dirty son of a baboon a lesson he will never forget. 

_He walks to the entrance._   
  


**INT. LAWNDALE HIGH – CLASS OF MR. DEMARTINO**

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Hmm, it seems he wants a fight from man to man. Well all right. Let's get it on!   
  


**EXT. LAWNDALE HIGH**   
_Dramatic scene unfolds like in a western duel, when Bill Clinton and Tuddrussel walk slowly to each other until they are face to face._

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Okay, it is go-time! 

PRESIDENT CLINTON:   
Okay, go A-squad! 

TUDDRUSSEL:   
A-squad?… _(high-pinched voice)_ Aahhh!!! 

_Tuddrussel gets overwhelmed by dozens members of the secret service, who are armed with police-batons, with which they beat the living daylights out of Tuddrussel._

TUDDRUSSEL:   
Ouch! Och! Ohhh! Stop! Mercy! 

PRESIDENT CLINTON:   
Hey. I said *NO* kicking. 

ONE OF THE A-SQUAD MEMBERS:   
Oops, sorry Mr. President. 

_Monica Lewinsky approaches Clinton._

MS. LEWINSKI:   
Oh, Mr. President you are so manly. 

PRESIDENT CLINTON: _(smiles at her and put his arm over her shoulder to comfort her.)_   
Yes, I know, Monica. 

MS. LEWINSKI:   
Oh, how can I ever repay you? 

PRESIDENT CLINTON:   
Well, you can join me smoking some cigars, which I got as a gift by Fidel Castro. 

_Both get back into the limousine and drive into the setting sun._

_The secret service let go of Tuddrussel._

ONE OF THE A-SQUAD MEMBERS:   
And don't do that ever again. 

TUDDRUSSEL: _(weak)_   
My apologies to Ms. Lewinsky. I will never do that again. 

All secret service units pull off from the territory of the Lawndale High.   
The students and teachers come out the school.   
Otto, Larry, Daria and Jane gather around the severe beaten-up Tuddrussel. 

TUDDRUSSEL: _(weak)_   
My apologies to Ms. Lewinsky. I will never do that again. 

DARIA:   
So what is this Lewinsky-business about, anyway? 

LARRY 3000:   
Believe me you don't want to know. 

_Unexpectedly an alarm from Larry's robot arm goes on. Larry switches it off._

OTTO:   
What was that? 

LARRY 3000:   
It is my History-*Stability*-Alarm. It seems this little interlude has inspired Jane to become an artist. 

JANE:   
Huh? _(Jane ponders)_ Hey you are right. I feeling so different… so *creative*. 

_Jane takes out a pencil and a block and starts sketching. The others look behind Jane to see how she is drawing. The wounded Tuddrussel gets up. And peers over Jane's shoulder._

TUDDRUSSEL:   
What's this called? "Oops, I drove over an opossum "? 

JANE: _(calm and still sketching)_   
Yes, this is a driven-over opossum. 

_Tuddrussel take a close look, and then gets sick and runs away._

LARRY 3000:   
Ah I feel so delighted, I just experience the making of one of Jane Lane's early works. 

OTTO:   
Well it seems I was wrong with my theory that you needed a friend. 

JANE:   
Yeah. Friends suck! They steel your boyfriend. 

DARIA:   
And they catch you in embarrassing moments. 

OTTO:   
Yes, but look at Tuddrussel and Larry, they are both friends although they go on each other nerves. 

JANE:   
You are right, but you cannot force friendship, sometimes it is just magic. Just like the Beatles. 

DARIA:   
Yes. But in the end they needed a lot of drugs to stand the sight of each other. 

LARRY 3000:   
_(to Daria) _How do you know?   
Well it is time for us to leave. Tuddrussel! Pick up your kidney and come here! 

JANE:   
Adios amigos. 

DARIA:   
You are any time welcome when you want to erase certain members in my society. 

OTTO:   
Goodbye! Well another mission accomplished. History is again on tracks. 

TUDDRUSSEL: _(smirking in trance)_   
Lewinsky, he, he, he. 

OTTO AND LARRY 3000:   
Tud-drus-sel! 

_A light ball explodes in front of Daria and Jane, which sends the Time-Squad back to the future._   
_The two wait until the flash is gone, and then look at each other._

JANE:   
Hey, Daria you realize that your were before sarcastic without your book. 

DARIA:   
What? Yes you are right. _(smiles)_ I don't need the book I… I… _(deadpan) _should demand my money back. I hope I still got the recite. 

JANE:   
Hey you know what? It seems Otto was right. I needed a friend and now I found one. 

DARIA:   
Really? 

JANE:   
Yes may I introduce to you… _(she lifts her arm in the air and holds it as if she would put her arm on somebody's shoulder)_ … Henrietta. 

DARIA:   
Oh. _(deadpan)_ Well we have encounter the miracle of time-travelling, survived a siege of the Lawndale High and the "materialization " of your new friend. We should celebrate this: How about pizza? 

JANE:   
Okay. 

DARIA:   
And thank you for your treat Henrietta. 

JANE:   
Hey! 

_Daria and Jane smirk at each other._

**END**


End file.
